I have a kid that shall remain nameless, but if you know anything about my family you will know who I mean. Starts with an M ends with a K. Said child is on my lap so I'm mostly not using his name to prevent him from knowing I'm talking about him. Since he's learning to read now too. Yipes.
Anyway, he is smart, very very smart and precocious, and maybe a teensy tinesy bit manipulative. I try not to let this get to me and handle the manipulation (and refuse to be manipulated) but darn it sometimes he gets me. He likes to say words that are forbidden (we're talking about butt, and stupid and other relatively tame words, but the whole reason he loves them is because they are against the rules.) I try to teach him the importance of keeping things clean and he tells me he likes messes and does not like it when the house is clean. He loves being controversial and dramatic. He can throw a tantrum with the best of them. But smart, oh so smart and creative and he thinks on a level that amazes me. Okay, I'm his mother, I'm clearly biased but I do think he's brilliant. He does these "experiments" in which he'll take a cup, put water in it and then something else, for example, the stuff in the bottom of the Frosted Miniwheats cereal box. What would you call that? Shredded wheat crumbs? Anyway, then he'll put the whole mix in the freezer to "see what will happen." I love watching this thought process unfold in him and he really does bring me joy.
However there is this one thing that bothers me. He's never happy. That's not right though because he's a happy kid. What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that he's never satisfied. Ever. Take yesterday for instance, I dropped him at preschool and saw one of his best friends' moms. Spur of the moment, I invited them over after school and they accepted. YAY! I scurried around to ensure the house was clean enough for company , and went to the store to get a special treat for snack time. He was thrilled. Until this play date was over. It was time to get Eric and he didn't WANT to go get Eric, he wanted to play with his friend. We went through this whole mess of him running from me, refusing to go to the van, even going outside to get away from me and declaring with fervor that he was NOT leaving the house. All of course, while his friend's mom watched in awe at how naughty the sweet boy of mine can be. Never mind that his friend had to leave also to go get another child from a different school. Never happy. The whole way to the school he whined, he complained, it wasn't fair. I reminded him that he had a whole hour and a half to play and he had lots of fun, but fun times have to end too. More whining. It wasn't long enough. I asked him if he would like it if we just left him at school because Zack was having to much fun to go to get HIM at preschool. And he said that would be fine with him. I try asking him what he did that was fun today and help him focus on the good s pretty good but he without fail finds something to be disillusioned with.
So, I wonder, how exactly do I teach him to be satisfied with what he has without the unending desire for more? Is it a phase he will outgrow? Is it just one of his many tests to me to see exactly how far backward mommy will bend to please him before she says ENOUGH. Looking for boundaries? What is it? I've wondered and worried and fretted about this for quite some time.
Should I even try to temper it? Or is it possible that this yearning for things to be better and different could serve him well in his adulthood. I don't know. This mommy stuff is a hard business. I just know I could live with less whining and more appreciation.
What do you think?
A Slow Cooker Thanksgiving
4 weeks ago
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3 comments:
You act as though M-dog is the only person with an insatiable appetite to do what he loves. I'm sure you do it too when there's something you're incredibly interested in. I know for me, I absolutely love films so some days are dedicated solely in going from theater to theater watching movie after movie, but that's a bad thing. What you're doing by taking him away from his play date is moderation. You can't do many things in excess and if you left him there to play, you'd be teaching him that he could have exorbitant amounts of playtime w/o having to do what needs to be done, which is picking up his brother(?) from school.
You are so right! It is about moderation and I do struggle with that at times. So how to teach an almost 5 year old moderation... another question altogether. Thanks for commenting!
Ok, I'm not a parent yet, but I go through the same thing with my kids at school. We'll do something really cool (like a movie party with popcorn) and they'll whine when it is over and time to get back to normal routine. Granted, they are 8, so they are a little older. But I just tell them that our class rule is that you are grateful for what you have because you could have nothing instead. IE - they whine about the movie being too short, and I say, "ok, we can have no movie instead." They get really happy about it after that. The first day of school I made it very clear that I don't accept whinning about stuff like that or it gets taken away. It seems to work pretty well. I don't know if that can be used as a mommy too, but it works well for a teacher. :)
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