What's That?

What did you say? You are worried about my sanity? You think I might be slipping over the edge? Well me too. Shall I explain why? My kids have lost their ever loving minds.

Before I get into the last straw that occurred this morning, thus making me entirely irritable and thinking about doing drastic things like get.a.job just to escape the madness (yes, I do realize that would not make my life easier, I'm just saying it to make myself feel better) I will first list the OTHER reasons that I'm losing it this week (ok, probably not just this week, but let's play like this craziness is a new thing, k?)

This is probably not a complete list, just a few of the reasons I'm going insane.

Ben is into everything. He can now climb onto our kitchen chairs, then to the table. He is using the chairs to climb onto other things too, like the kitchen counters. I caught him perched on top of the counter the other day just sitting there as if he were on top of the world.

Yesterday, I moved the chairs near the couch so I could sweep and mop and then saw my baby climb onto the chair and then hoist himself onto the back of the couch and flip himself to the other side. I about had a heart attack. He just laughed.

The day before that (and this is really the kicker) I was upstairs changing sheets. And my baby. The little one. He's really such a cutie and I do love him a lot. He was standing in the... I almost can't type it... it's honestly that bad. He was standing

in

the

toilet

I'm not joking. Little cute feet in the icky nasty toilet bowl, hands happily patting the top of the tank. I died right there. Well I wanted to. Instead I hopped into action and debated if it would be wrong to clean his feet with bleach. Decided it would be (duh) and proceeded to clean him up. Then I told everybody else in the house that we MUST keep the doors to the bathrooms closed.

Did I mention that Ben can open doors now?

Yesterday all four boys spilled drinks at some point, which I try not to get upset over, except they spilled them by being utterly ridiculous. And could someone PLEASE make a leak proof sippy cup? Or tell me about one that won't leak? Please?

Zack and Ben pooped at least 5 times each. Not diarrhea, just tons and tons of poop. Why?

And the bigger ones pulled everything out of the upstairs linen closet. Twice.

There was an incident with salt, but that was my fault. Do not leave children outside unattended with a full box of salt, just in case you thought about it.

This morning I woke up to silence. At 7:05. I thought, "wow, that's odd, they are usually up by now." I wandered into the bathroom, talked to Kevin for a minute and Eric walked in. "Hey there buddy" Kevin said. And then "what's on your face?" Eric got all weird and said "I have to go wash it!" and ran off. Hmmm. Very odd. I didn't see his face, so I had no idea. Zack was in my bed and awake and I went to talk to him, and then Mark came in. He had something brown on his arm and I asked him about it. He told me he was coloring me a picture with crayons and that it rubbed off on him. I knew instantly he was lying, you know being a rocket scientist and all. I asked him again and he insisted it was crayons. I contemplated how to handle this and heard this conversation between Kevin and Eric...

Eric: But it's a secret! Mark said I can't tell you...
Daddy: You need to tell me right now because I am your daddy and Mark can't tell you to keep a secret from me.

At which point Eric spilled the beans that they had been PAINTING. So we busted out into the family room to see what the damage was. Painting is an activity that must be HIGHLY supervised around here. Highly. Of course, my beloved kitchen table had paint all over it. Dry paint. It's coming off (lucky kids). They actually put the paint away properly (sneaky kids.)

The part that kills me the most here is that they lied to me. It broke my heart and made me soooo flipping mad at the same time.

So, it's hours later and I'm over it. I am not over this part however...

After I started this post it was gym time. I threw the morning chores out the window and let myself dwell in my self pity of how my children are sooooooo naughty and wondering what I am doing wrong that my babies would LIE to me not to mention do something that they KNEW was against the rules. (Not to mention get into the pantry and EAT SUGAR... oh wait, they didn't eat it, they were making "an evil brew for YOU mom." I'm not kidding, that's what they said. Nevertheless the sugar container was open and had two spoons in it and there was sugar allllll over my floor.) Anyway... I went to the gym, and felt better. Then Mark asked when he was getting his fish (not today dude) and it pretty much went downhill from there.

Mark told me in the car (unconnected with the fish conversation) "Mom, you act so dumb" which I reacted not at all too because I'm pretty sure he was looking for a reaction. Then for some reason, Zack started saying "I hate you mom" and I have NO clue where he even heard that phrase. He said it three times and I started crying. Lost my composure completely. Told him to stop and then Mark and Zack were laughing at me. LAUGHING AT ME... Then Eric started screaming for them to stop laughing at me (good at least one of them loves me) and I pulled it together and told them to BE QUIET. A lecture followed about how words can hurt (and apparently turn Mom into a weeping lunatic) and we should NEVER EVER tell anybody (ahem, especially Mommy!) we hate them. Then Mark said "Raise your hand if you are going to be good for Mommy for the rest of her LIFE" and Eric and Mark raised their hands. Mmmmkay. Things are fairly calm for now. My head is going crazy with what am I doing wrong and how am I failing them thoughts and the occasional I'm trying SO hard but nothing works so why do I try?

But I told the boys we were turning the day around so I am going to move past this. Trying not to hang on to anger and just keep trucking. Use the crazy moments to teach them what is and is not appropriate and hang on to dear life to what's left of my sanity.