Obsessing

I have this slightly obsessive part of my personality that revolves primarily around my wanting people to like me. I have a need to be accepted, to not offend others, and also... I'd like to come across as an intelligent person. At least most of the time. I'm addled enough with mommy brain that it's not realistic to seem intelligent all of the time.

Anyway. I also LOVE getting comments on my blogs. Both here and over at Deep South Moms. Comments make me happy. Comments from friends & family are awesome, and comments from people who have just found me somehow, who've bothered to stick around and read, and something hit home enough that they took the time to type out a little comment are so very special to me.

Sometimes comments are puzzling, and sometimes downright annoying. If you actually read my blog, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking about comments like the one I got awhile back on a post about what I should put on my Ipod. Anonymous took the time to comment "you are such a geek. get a life. put whatever songs you want on your ipod! only you know what you like!" Okay anonymous... whatever. YOU are the one that googled "What should I put on my Ipod" and found my blog and took time out of your day to call me names. What does that make YOU? Besides anonymous, I mean. (By the way, the anonymous thing: ANNOYING)

Then there are the stupid spammy comments which fortunately I've only had one of.

The catalyst for all this thought on people liking me and comments in such is a comment from my Deep South Moms post yesterday. Someone named Sam said "ok." That's it. Just "ok." Can I tell you how I've wondered about this today? Was it okay? Like what was your point? Or ok like that was a crappy post. Or Ok, oops I hit the button and it posted but I didn't finish and didn't have time to go back and fix it. Or perhaps "ok" you are a terrible mother, how could you possibly think you are not. Or give it up lady, your writing is awful. See, this is where the wanting people to like me obsession comes into play. I wish Sam (if that is in fact a real name, as their was no profile set up to view - kind of like anonymous) would have just left a real comment. Even if it was scathing, rude or you know, calling me out on my crappy mothering or writing. But the cryptic "ok" has driven me nuts all day.

Clearly, I have issues. And it's okay for you to say so. Lately one of my issues has been wondering if I'll ever be a "good" writer. I feel like I'm actually getting worse instead of better lately and now the abrupt slowing of ideas is totally frustrating me. So, when I pour my heart out, sharing mistakes and frustrations and get "ok" back, it sends me a little into a tizzy. So, tell me what you think. But don't be anonymous or cryptic. Ok Sam?