Thursday, March 19, 2009

Judgement Knocking on My Door

A few days ago I was working on a post for Deep South Moms. I was actually struggling with it a little, trying to make my point without sounding too ranty. I was focussed, and by that I mean I was totally ignoring the little kids. Don't take that the wrong way. I knew what was going on. They were both in eye and ear shot, but I was just kind of letting them do their own thing. Zack's own thing was running around, riding the little train, and other random 3 year old cuteness. Ben's own thing was sitting at the table with a snack, followed by standing on top of the table with a snack.

I realize that standing on the table isn't the best place for a kid, but sometimes it's just where I want him. I mean if he's standing on the table then I know I don't have to worry about him climbing to the tip top of the pantry (which is now suitably LOCKED at any given time)or sneaking out to the garage to try to run away. (This situation has also been remedied by deprogramming the button on the van that opens it and hiding the remote in the glove box.)

As I was putting the finishing touches on my post there was a knock at the door. Two moms, and I wondered if it was someone I knew because I couldn't place them. They each had a stroller with a baby in it. I ran to answer the door. Apparently, they had been walking by with their babies, and saw Ben on the table. They were concerned, apologized for being nosy. Said "We just wanted to make sure his mommy knew he was on the table! " I then reminded myself to close the shade on the door from now on.

I have a variety of emotions from this. My first reaction was to feel intruded upon. I know they meant well, and it's probably not a common thing to see a cute little two year old on top of the table. Frankly, that would have horrified me with both Eric and Mark, but after two climbers I've mellowed a lot. Then I have to wonder what kind of mother they think I am after my laid back "Oh, sure, he does that... I was right there." Which is true. I was RIGHT there. He had been talking to me and me to him as they were knocking.

I have to wonder what those two moms talked about on the rest of their walk. Try as I might not to care whether they judged me or not I totally do. So, to those mommies (who I'm sure are super great and nice) Please don't judge me. I'm not a perfect mother, but I am trying. Just wait til your little babies are mobile, and you have more than one. Sometimes the table is an okay place to be (at least in my house)


Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh!! I have had lots of people ask me if I am aware that my kid is doing *x*, (and I was), but never had one ring my doorbell!! I always think my own house is like my little haven where I don't have to worry what other people think!

That makes me laugh- but if it happened to me I would have been mortified!

My kids have played on the table more times then I can count. They've fallen off a few times too. It teaches them to be more careful. ;)

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

OMG- I think they crossed the line. It would be one thing if he was running down the street by himself!

The ONLY time I have ever done anything remotely like that is when I see a kid out in public who looks like he doesn't have a parent with him. And almost always, there is one, just hanging back letting the kid explore. I'd rather just make sure. And people have done that to me and I don't mind at all.

But for someone to LOOK IN MY WINDOW and RING MY DOORBELL to call my attention to something - unless it's fire? - Uh, I don't think so.


Jenny said...

What a HUGE invasion of privacy! I probably would have been embarrassed at first, but would have grown more indignant with each moment that passed! I'm sure they meant well, but

Rebecca said...

Thanks you all! I really appreciate it! I posted that and was thinking, "Oh MY what if people are like, he was on the table? Really? Somebody save that BABY!" I'm glad to hear I'm not that far out there...I will clarify it's not difficult to see in our house, our front door is glass. I usually pull the shade down, but the kids keep messing with it so I put it up. It still feels very surreal to me that they were taking a walk and stopped by to "inform" me of this... but the more it goes on the more I think I don't really have to be embarrassed. THANKS again!!

Rebecca said...

Also, Shanna, we are sometimes so alike it is scary (the falling off makes them more careful part, that cracks me up!)

Sue YES I would definitely want to be informed if he were running down the road... and lately that is actually possible (not anymore though I think.)

And Jenny, I think I am getting more indignant as I think about it more. I think it's time for me to be able to just laugh about it though. And thanks for coming by & commenting!! :)

Adam and Lisa said...

Ok, that is funny. I can't believe they knocked on your door!!! Even if I saw that and WAS concerned, I don't know that I'd be gutsy enough to knock on the door! I have commented occasionally to my sisters on seeing their kids do stuff. Not so much because I am judging them, just more that I wonder if the behavior is something they are worried about. They probably have rolled their eyes at me, but at least we are family. I don't think I would have the guts to say something to a stranger unless the kid is on fire or driving the car!

melanie said...

this happens to me at the grocery store (far too often, i'm ashamed to say). why do people have to stick their noses into other's mom business? if you want to help then do something that is actually helpful, like offer to get everything on my list for me so i can sit and relax and enjoy my kids. i find this so annoying (obviously). i'm sorry that they actually came to your house!

Katie said...

You should have said "Thanks but I already knew, now if you will excuse me I need to go watch the one who is running with scissors" and shut the door. What an invasion of privacy! My son has special needs and so some of the ways we deal with situations might be out of the ordinary. We always have people say things to us like "Do you know your son is jumping up and landing flat on his tail bone" and we just say "yes, it keeps him from banging his head against the wall." (he has autism among other things, and needs the stimulation)It is nice for people to be concerned, but sometimes it's like, I'm the parent, I know what the situation is, let me be the boss.

Astarte said...

Those two moms need to get a life. But, you know, if they were walking by with strollers, that means that their kids are really little, and they have no comprehension of the things that kids can and will do, or what their tolerance level will be in a few years. They'll learn not to be so paranoid pretty soon (the pretentious effers!)!!!!

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