Milestone

It occurred to me today that we have reached a milestone. Ben is a few days shy of being 20 months old. He is older than Eric, Mark, or even Zack was when I was pregnant with the next one. He's actually older than Zack was when Ben was born.

It's a strange feeling, this being done having babies. I'm not sad about it. It's just... different. I never felt done before having Ben, and now I do. I know I'm done. I will always miss having a teeny tiny guy in my arms. I love watching them the first few years with how much they change and grow. I will always gush over brand new babies when I see them and when I can I will hold them, and snuggle them and inhale deeply to enjoy that brand new baby smell. Yet, I will happily hand them back to their mommy when the time comes. My life has changed. I'm ready to move past the baby stuff and on to bigger boys things. Whatever that brings.

I guess this is some sort of milestone. I am done having babies. My "baby" was found standing on the piano yesterday. He's taking after his big brother in the climbing department. It's enough to frazzle my nerves and turn my hair gray. He's not really a "baby" anymore, but I will call him my baby until he tells me to stop. It's strange to be done, even though I've known for quite awhile. What's possibly even stranger is the peace I feel about it. I just know. Our family is complete.

How'd That Happen?

I should have known to run away when the tree branch fell and almost hit me in the head. The dad standing next to me said, hey don't stand by me, what have you done wrong to have a tree branch almost fall on you. (This was said after he asked if it hit me and if I was okay, all in good fun.) I just shrugged and said, I guess I must be doing something right because it just barely hit my toe. Could have been much worse, no?

In reality, that event probably had nothing to do with the fact that they decided to split the Cub Scout group that Eric is in into two due to the vast number of kids involved. It also probably had nothing to do with the fact that the Cub Master then was asking for volunteers to lead the resulting new den. It probably had even less to do with the fact that somehow I find myself now holding that title. Maybe I was still dazed from the near miss outside earlier. Or maybe it was the underwhelming response from the other parents who were there.

I volunteered. It is one big giant leap out of my comfort zone. I'm slightly, no hugely terrified. Not only is Boy Scouts... I mean Cub Scouts (see I can't even get the name right) completely foreign to me, but I am SHY. Socially awkward, I get all weird around people I don't know. Once I've spoken with you a few times, I'm fine, but before that I'm just a bundle of nerves and all stumbly over my words and stuff. I'm terrified.

I think if I make it through the first few weeks, I'll be okay. Here I go!

New Found Freedom

Ben almost a month ago, discovered he could climb out of his crib. Then he never did it again. Until yesterday. Let's all Mark yesterday as the day Ben refused to stay in his crib. He's not quite 20 months old. I feel like he's too little for a toddler bed.

At nap time I put him to bed and said "Night Night Ben," and before I even turned around he had popped up and had his leg over the crib rail. He gave me that smile that he does when he knows he's being a mess and should do something really cute to win me over. The smile is the one where he crinkles his nose and tilts his head back a little and grins so big. It's often accompanied by a giggle. Can you say ornery? Sheesh. So, I took him, and laid him down again, thinking that would be that.

That was certainly not that. Five minutes later down comes Ben. I scooped him up and carried him up the stairs again. He went to sleep that time, but instead of fussing when he woke up, he just got out of bed.

Then bedtime, oh bedtime. Ben's always been easy to go to sleep. I give him his bottle of water (I know, he's way too big for a bottle, but he just gets the bottle of water at bedtime. I had planned to wean him from it soon, before this whole climbing out of bed thing sprung up) and he sleeps. This time, I put him down, he seemed to be staying, but before I got downstairs he was up. He takes great joy in his new found freedom. I decided to just stay upstairs and make it know he must stay in bed. It took 40 minutes of hard work, putting him back in loads of times. I didn't count but it was at least 15 times. When I decided I needed to keep him from climbing out, I put my hand on the area he was climbing out of and he pulled, pushed and tried with all his might to move me out of his way. I fought back my laughter at this indignant little creature trying to escape his night time prison.

He did finally go to sleep, until about 5 AM when he climbed out and bumped his head. No major injuries, thank goodness, but I've clearly got to make a decision here. I'm going to try a crib tent even though I hate the idea of it. My suspicion is Ben will figure out how to get it off, but we'll see. In the event the crib tent doesn't work, I guess it's time for a toddler bed. I'm really not ready for this.

Moments

In my life I have so many moments that I wish I could strike out. Moments that I have lost my temper. Ones in which I get aggravated and am too short with my little cuties. There are moments that I ask them to please.stop.talking. when they just really want my approval and attention. There are those times that I send them to bed a little bit early for my own benefit. I wish I could erase all those moments and only keep the good ones.

I talk a fair bit about what a challenge my Mark is, and I often forget to talk about what a joy he can also be. Yesterday we were out and about and we were talking and lagging back a bit from the others. I put my arm around his shoulder and he scooted closer to me and put his arm around my lower back. He had to reach up pretty far to reach me, but we walked and talked and he seemed so darn big. Suddenly he ran up to walk with his daddy, but that brief moment when we were just relaxed with no deadlines and no distractions to bog me down was priceless. These are the moments I want to savor, the ones I want imprinted on my brain to take the place of the ones where things aren't just so right.

More importantly, I want to make sure these little moments of happiness increase, while the others decrease. They will always be there. I will always be human and selfish (I'm working on that one) and I will always fall short. Yet, more than anything I find myself craving sweet moments with these boys. Because someday before I realize it's happened Mark's not going to have to stretch to get that arm around me anymore, Eric will someday be taller than me, and Zack and Ben too. I hope by then they'll still want to sit by me, and show me their accomplishments and tell me their dreams.

Judge Not... Unless it's Really Hard Not To

I make it a habit to not judge other moms. You just never know the situation until you've lived it and you can't say "I would never," until you've been there. Back when I was a fairly new mommy with a tiny infant who wasn't mobile and could not talk, I found myself judging plenty of times. "I can't believe that kid's not potty trained!" Or, gasp! "She needs to get that sassiness under control now or else that kids going to give her MAJOR problems." Oh yea, I knew SO much. Only, the thing was I didn't know crap. Three kids later and a little bit of karma biting me in the butt (here I sit with a 3 plus year old who is not potty trained, not to mention an oh so sassy 5 year old) and I am so much less judge-y. It's a good thing. We are all where we are and it seems, at least for me that we could adapt the phrase "Judge not lest ye be judged" (New Testament) into "Judge not lest ye be stuck in the same ugly situation." I mean it. I do.

Ahem... however, I was recently in a situation where I was forced to cast that non-judging policy aside and had a HOLY crap what was that momma thinking moment. I tried not to judge. I tried to smile politely, and say "Really, they aren't bothering me," because really what was bothering me was not her children's behavior, but rather the fact that she was repeatedly yelling at her little girls and telling them to SHUT UP in a very harsh tone in front of me and a whole passel of other parents. I told her I understood. I told her I had four boys and that not much shocks me. What did shock me was her blatant pulling her daughter's hair to get her to come closer to her. I don't think it hurt the girl but it just seemed wrong, and rough. Leaving me to wonder what goes on, you know, at home. I shudder to think.

These girls were young. They were in a situation that was BORING (for me too) and who can expect little girls ages 6 and under to sit still when it's boring. I've been there. My boys can't sit still very long either. It drives me crazy, and I'm sure I've looked the frazzled mom part many a time. I hope with everything I've got, though, that I've never sounded like that. They were just being kids and to be yelled at... IN PUBLIC... repeatedly, just took me aback. For a brief moment I wanted to say, "Hey I'll take them home with me." I'm sure her answer would have been no, and after a teeny bit of logical thought knew that was irrational. I wish I would have said more, but after attempting to let her know that her kids weren't bothering anyone, I just turned the other way and kinda tried not to make it too obvious that I cringed every time she told her 5 year old to shut up. I hope I wasn't the only parent there who was appalled.

I wasn't going to blog this, but it's late, I can't sleep, and it's still on my mind, so I am. Here in all my judgement, which I have probably no right to. I don't know this mom's situation. I hope it was just a really bad day and that there is more affection shown these kids normally. This particular night, however I heard not one positive word uttered and it was always with that sharp tone. The one I use when the boys have crossed a line, only magnified. I will be in the position to see this family again repeatedly throughout the year, so I can only hope to see better things next time.

Taking the judgement hat off now, I don't really like it all that much.

Poster Girl for Chloraseptic

Do you remember those commercials with the cute little girl saying "it will hurt if I swallow" advertising chloraseptic? I do. I always felt bad for the little girl even though it was just an advertisement. For the past few days this is exactly how I've felt.

Tuesday I was totally fine until about 9 PM. Then suddenly, out of nowhere I felt awful and had a really bad sore throat. And I felt feverish, though not enough to bother to take my temperature. I took some tylenol and hoped I'd feel better by morning.

I wasn't feeling better by morning. I felt fevery again, but I took some more medicine and hoped for the best. By noon I was in pretty bad shape. I was freezing (fever) and hurting all over and my throat hurt more than I ever remember it hurting EVER. My glands in my throat hurt so bad I could cry. I got lucky on Wednesday as I had a friend who was kind enough to keep Zack for me while I took Ben home for his nap and I slept. She also kept my big kids after school and I went and got them when Ben woke up from his nappy. It was nice to be able to rest while sick. I was so sure I would be better by Thursday.

When there was not even an inkling of improvement Thursday morning I decided to do something drastic. That something was go.to.the.doctor. I suspected I had Strep Throat and wanted to get meds ASAP. Once I got there I was all unsure and while waiting for the test to come back I was berating myself for being wimpy, sure that this was a waste of time and money. Then they came back and look how smart I am... I had self diagnosed pretty well this time and it was in fact strep. Which was good and bad. Good because thank GOODNESS I can just take medicine and get better for goodness sake. Bad because I don't want my family exposed to this crap.

Today I am worlds better than the previous days. My energy level is pretty low and while I can finally swallow without pain, my glands are still very sore. I'm so very thankful for antibiotics! I wish they would work a little more quickly though. I'm ready to be 100% again.

So today, despite the aforementioned low energy level, I am going to attempt to undo some of the mess around here. Because 2 days with no cleaning in a house with 4 boys and 2 grownups = DISASTER!

Up to My Eyeballs in Fundraisers

I think the school has lost their minds. Every week we get a folder full of information sent home on Tuesday. I get everything times two. I understand, it's hard to communicate with parents without sending home papers. Ideally, we could communicate via email, but I know not every parent checks their email 6,000 times a day like I do. I do wish the stuff that was purely informational and didn't need to be signed, filled out, etc. could be sent home only once. You know, to save trees and stuff. I'm envisioning a day that I will get all this paper junk times FOUR. Shudder.

Okay, that got off on a tangent a bit, but the paper sent home is crazy I tell you. Even more crazy is the amount of fundraisers that are being sent home. CUH-RAZY people! First there are the ones I don't mind so much. Turn in you receipts at the mall customer service place to try to win a bunch of money for the school. Great. Then there's the same idea at Sweetbay. That one I can handle because I do spend some cash at the grocery store. And I don't have to sell anything. And then comes the stuff they do want me to buy or sell. First it was an entertainment book full of coupons that I can sell my family and friends, and buy myself. I love coupons, but I looked through the book and really didn't see that I would use $20.00 worth of stuff. I debated doing it for my kids SCHOOL, but the fact of the matter is I didn't want to. Then there came home the sale for Marble Slab (Cold Stone? I can't remember, it's one of those) where I can spend $7.00 on a pint of ice cream. You know, for the cause. I might even buy one of these because it's ICE CREAM, but now you want me to call my family and friends. Again. Because they aren't all up to their eyeballs in fundraisers too. And my neighbors, most of whom have school aged children as well. WHO exactly am I supposed to sell this stuff to? Am I supposed supposed to call on Grandparents every single time. Aunts and Uncles? I'm sorry, but I'm just not willing to hit people up for their hard earned cash every single time the school sends home a sales flyer.

A friend asked me recently how I handled fundraising with two kids in school. My answer. I don't. I'm not proud of it. I feel like somehow it must make me a deadbeat parent, or not supportive of the school, but I just think it's wrong to expect parents and kids to bug their relatives every five minutes for yet.another.fundraiser. If it was once or twice a year I might feel differently, but school has been in for roughly one and a half months and we are already inundated.

As if I don't have enough angst surrounding not participating in the bazillion fundraisers the kids get from school, I took Eric to his first Cub Scouts meeting and guess what time it is! That's right! Popcorn sales! Someone give me a break please!

A side note/funny fundraising story from my youth. Way back in the day we had fundraisers too. I don't remember the general school type, but I do remember constantly trying to sell stuff for band. That was before the day of "don't send your kids door to door." I never had much success selling. There was the great annual cheese and sausage sale and there was some prize that I wanted and so I signed up to buy like $50.00 worth of stuff. I guess I planned to save my small allowance, only I forgot and when it was time to pay up I didn't have the money. My mom was SO mad. I worked super hard to earn the money in time to pay it. Chores galore, and then every time we walked past the Hickory Farms display in the mall my parents would ask me "SO do you want to buy any cheese and sausage?" I'm pretty sure I didn't tell them to shutup, but I sure thought it.

Okay, so that's my embarrassing 8th grade story. How do you deal with fundraisers if you have school age kids? Do you think it would be better for the schools to just ask for money up front? Am I overreacting about having the kids sell stuff? Should I just suck it up and send out the fundraiser info to relatives? Discuss!