Diet, Exercise and Trying to Shrink

I haven't posted much about my attempts to get fit and lose weight except a few random things about the gym here and there. I guess mostly the reason for this is I have tried and failed to lose weight so many times over the years. I have no excuses for this other than lack of willpower and just giving up time and time again, well and having 4 kids in 5 years. I can't blame the weight gain on the kids though, so I try not to use that last excuse. In December Kevin encouraged me to join the gym because he knew I was frustrated with my weight and my failed attempts at dieting. I was not really a fan of exercise but I also knew that it is so important to lose weight "the right way." So I did it. The gym has the added benefit of childcare so even on the days I didn't really want to go I went because I could go work out, listen to MY music and watch something that didn't involve animation on TV. Followed by a shower and the ability to do my hair and makeup without worrying that something would get broken or someone get hurt or in trouble. It was great, but I knew at some point I would have to go beyond 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer. In mid January I got the guts (yes I had to talk myself into it) to go to a fitness class. It was a toning class and I was terrified of looking like a chubby, klutzy idiot but I went. That was the best move ever. I love that class. It was scary because they were using a bar with (gulp) weights and I had never really done that before. I surprised myself that day because I did better than I thought I would. The instructor even told me I had good form! So I did that class twice a week and the other two workout days were on the elliptical. Meanwhile I still struggled with food and kept trying to eat healthily, count calories, and each time I would fail after a few days. I felt stronger, more energetic and my body was changing a little, but the scale didn't budge. I put the food issues on the back burner and decided that I could get to that later and at least I was exercising regularly for the first time ever. EVER! I realized that I enjoyed the class I took much more than the elliptical or treadmill so decided to try the step class the gym offered. I have a love/hate relationship with step. I've never been very coordinated, so choreography is a strain for me. I have to admit it was fun, and I wasn't the only one getting lost and confused. I just shoved my pride aside and decided that at some point maybe I'll get better at this, and if not at least I am MOVING my body (and still much more fun than the machines!) At some point in March I realized my pants were loose. Cool! So loose in fact that I dared to try on a smaller size when I went shopping for a few things for spring and they fit. I just about fell over. I know it's just one size, but it was one size in the right direction! Just recently I started a new tactic on the diet changes. So far so good. I'm not sure where this new clarity in regard to food came from, but I'll take it. My attitude has shifted to where I don't feel so defeated if I eat too much for one meal. Before one bad food decision could ruin a whole day of eating. Sometimes a whole week. I hope I have put that craziness behind me, but I guess that remains to be seen. I now love to exercise, so I hope the changes in regard to food can be for good as well.

So far on this journey toward changing my lifestyle I have lost 13 pounds. I have about 40 more to go. I can't declare victory yet but for the first time while "dieting" I feel in control, instead of white knuckling my way through every meal. It's a good feeling.

Even after everything I've written I hesitate to post this. What if I mess it up again, what if I gain the weight back? I won't think that way because I believe my attitude makes a huge difference in my success. I hope to be able to update soon that I've kept it up and lost more weight and at some point in the future I will be to the goal weight that I've set. It may take awhile and that is now okay with me. I hope to eat like I am forever so I have time.